So Proud of Billie

Billie played her heart out this weekend in Morristown. She just shined out on the field. She played full back and really stopped the other team. She was so aggressive and you could see with every play she made, her confidence just grew. By the third game, she was on fire. She did exactly what she was supposed to do, and she stopped them every time. They only won their last game, and placed 7th overall. I have no idea how many places there were, but she was just tickled that they won a game! They haven't had the best season, I think I mentioned it before. But she has learned so much this season. This was her first season as a U10 player, and she had to go up to a bigger field as well as learn off-sides and play with a goal-keeper. Her skills really have improved this season along with her confidence and level of aggressive playing. She may not be the quickest, but she has figured out how to wait for the other team to get to her, and then cut them off and apply pressure so she can get the ball. It is so wonderful to see, and so fun to watch her energy and enthusiasm. I am so proud of her. It was a very fun weekend, and i am sad it is over and we have to attack the week once again. I have a little case of the Monday blues, but I will work through it this morning and turn it into a wonderful week. Hope you all have a great week, too!

Flashback Friday

Two blogs in one day--now that is a record for me! So these pictures are from the Buddy's Race Against Cancer last year. I know I have shared this with everyone, but for those who don't know I will explain. We always have a team in memory of Michael called the Bassmasters. We go and spend the day at the World's Fair Park and walk and eat Buddy's BBQ and the kids get to play in the pump it up moonwalk things and get their faces painted. It is always such a really good time, and we get to remember Michael and honor his memory, too. I always end up getting a migraine by the end of the day, only because I put too much pressure on myself. It is to me the day where my two worlds collide, if that makes any sense at all. While I love it, it is a reminder to me of being left behind when Michael passed away, and it brings up the guilt that I have lingering somewhere deep inside me that I have moved on with my life without him. I had no intentions of ever getting married again. God had a much different plan for my life than I did. I am so glad he did, because I am so happy now and Billie and I have such a wonderful life with Matt, not to mention I wouldn't have my beautiful Joshua and Caleb! God is so good. Michael made it a point of telling me he wanted me to marry again; that it was OK with him if I married while Billie was still little. (He said "as long as it isn't like 6 months later. You have to miss me and be miserable without me for at least a year!" He was very funny, and he meant it to be funny not knowing that I would really be in a deep state of mourning for a year solid.) So I know it was OK, and God has blessed me with two wonderful husbands, but you never stop loving and when I feel that loss it always is with a twinge of guilt. I know Michael would not want me to feel that, and I don't usually feel that, but never the less it is there on occasion. So at the Buddy's Race it is always in the back of my mind, and it causes my head to hurt! This year will be a little different because Matt and I are RUNNING the race! I am so excited, and scared. It is my first race. I do not plan on winning, only finishing. I am still very slow, so there is no chance of me winning. But I have been running regularly 4 miles a day 5 days a week, on average, and I am ready for the race. I did slip on a leaf during my run yesterday and I pulled a muscle in my leg--but I know it will be OK by next Sunday for the race, it has to be. That would just be a cruel joke to get this close and a leaf be the end of it! I am going to baby it for the next couple days and pray for quick healing. Back to my explanation of the Buddy's Race Against Cancer; it is a local race and all the money goes locally to fight all kinds of cancer. They even have a special fund in Michael's name that they use to educate the rural areas on colon cancer prevention. All of my close friends and family come together, both sides of my family (Williams and Rosecrance) so it is truly very special, and I know Billie will one day look back and see how wonderfully awesome her family is and how totally supportive they all are to honoring the memory of her daddy. So the race is Sunday, November 15 and I have been thinking a lot about it so I thought my first "Flash Back" should be a few pics from past races and what it is to our family. Have a great weekend all!

The Rain Forest

Billie had another project for school. The assignment was for a diorama of an ecosystem. She chose a rain forest because she loves frogs and she knew she would be able to include frogs in it. She had to make all of the animals, and she chose to use pipe cleaners to make a Macaw, frog, lots of snakes, a monkey and a sloth. She used felt to cover the top like a night sky, and to make mountains in the back ground. She had the brilliant idea (I know, my kid so I am biased) of putting the river coming down from the mountains and making it smaller at the top and larger at the bottom so it would look like it was flowing. It turned out great, and I hope she gets a good grade. I think she will. She really enjoyed the whole process, too.

She has started taking her multiplication tests, too. So far she has passed them all, through 2. It will get hard now, so cross your fingers for us. She is so smart, though, I know she will fly through them! It is a lot of work every night, though. She has spelling words to learn; she takes a test every Friday on 20 words. She has multiplication tests every Monday and Thursday, and she has to read for a minimum of 15 minutes every night. Luckily, soccer is almost over so we will start having more time in the evenings. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa who really help her study every Tuesday and Thursday!

Billie has a soccer tournament this weekend in Morristown. Last year didn't go too good, so I hope they are more successful this year. No matter, we have fun going and it is a nice end to the soccer season, regardless. I love the families of our soccer team, and it is so nice to spend time with them. Who knows where we will be next season, if our house sells we will be on the other side of town so this might be her last season with this team. That makes us all a little sad, of course, but I also know where one door closes, another one opens. It will be an exciting adventure to meet new friends!

I have a BIG exam today in biochemistry. It is on metabolism, and it is all so detailed and easy for me to confuse. I will let you know how it goes. I am very scared for this one. I am doing very well in the class so far, so I really don't want to let my grade drop. I have studied so hard, though, so I should do fine. It always scares me to go into an exam without the confidence to back me up. I will take your prayers at 1:20 today that I don't have anxiety and I do my best!

Have a great Friday and a great weekend!

Conjoined Pumpkins

Can you believe these adorable pumpkins? I didn't find them, Chandler's mom, Kathleen, found them and gave them to us. I just love them. I wish there was some way I could save them forever. It is amazing. I am not sure if you can tell from the picture or not, but it really is two pumpkins, conjoined in the middle, and they share one stem. It makes me think of the boys, how they were conjoined in the middle and shared one umbilical cord. I used to ask all the time, "I know I have heard of two headed turtles, but do you think other animals and plants are conjoined, too?" And now I know they are! It was just a sweet thing that made me feel close to my boys. Maybe they don't call them conjoined, they probably call them "mutated" or something equally awful. I don't care what they call them. To me they are conjoined pumpkins and they made me remember my beautiful twins, that's all that matters to me. I decided if they were dressing up in heaven, which I know is a long shot, that they are probably the biblical Joshua and Caleb. Can you just see them, sweet little 1 year old toddlers in "Jesus Sandals" and toga-like clothes? Too cute, I thought. I realize I sound crazy, heaven is full of people worshipping Jesus and they do not have thoughts of earthly celebrations, especially a pagan holiday like Halloween, but it was fun to imagine.

We had a great Halloween, and I will post pictures and blog about it later when I have more time. I have tons of school stuff over the next two weeks, but I will try to do short blogs like this one as I go so that I at least get something here. I am also planning on stealing my friend Vanessa's idea of "Flash back Fridays" and I just haven't gotten it together to start it. I thought by posting shorter blogs I maybe can get them on here more regularly. SO ...this was my random blog for today--conjoined pumpkins. Are you glad you checked it out?

Happy Fall!

Hello my friends! I can not believe it has been over a month since I blogged! I am so sorry. Let me tell you what I have been up to--school. I have a very hard class load this semester. It threatened to kick my butt--no way I could let that happen, so I just dug in and worked hard and I think I have it just about conquered! Of course it is only mid-term, so it isn't over yet. But I have figured out how to study for Microbiology. I did pretty bad on the first exam so I really had to change my approach. Pretty much, I had to pound it into my brain, but it worked. I just had to spend time on it every day, and I had to read the material before the lecture, so by the lecture it was the second time I was hearing it and it sunk in better. I improved my score by 20 points! I was thrilled. Now that I figured out how to prepare, I know I can do even better on the next two exams. The next exam is in three weeks; I started studying for it today, lol!

Of course I have other classes too, and they all require work, but luckily not as much as micro. I am doing really good in everything, but it just takes all of my time in order to do it. I guess you could say it doesn't come easy to me, or maybe I am just not the sharpest tool in the shed! At least I am not afraid of hard work, and I am willing to put it in to do good. I only have three semesters left, so I see light at the end of the tunnel and I am so excited about it.

Billie is busy with school and soccer and piano. She is working so hard this year on improving her spelling, and she is doing a fantastic job! I am so proud of her. She just finished a big project for science; creating a plant. Hers was beautiful and she worked so hard on it. I will post a picture of it. She took it to school this morning. Her class will be going on a field trip soon to the AMSE in Oak Ridge. I know she will have a blast, who doesn't enjoy a field trip-no matter where it's to? She began riding the school bus in the mornings, after begging me since she started school! She loves it. I have to admit, it is helpful with our mornings. It saves me at least 30 minutes just not having to drive to and from school and wait in the long line to get her there. Matt and I both walk her to the bus stop and wait with her. It is fun now, we will see how fun it is when it gets cold outside! I am not letting her ride it in the afternoons because her schedule is different each day and I am afraid she might get confused and either get on the bus when she isn't supposed to, or forget and not get on the bus at all. Maybe next year, we will see. We did have to walk past a poor little bunny that must have bravely fought a car but lost one morning on the way to the bus stop. I saw it before she did and I covered her eyes. I was afraid it would either break her heart, she loves all animals so much, or maybe give her nightmares-it was not a site for children to see, at all. I have no idea what happened to the remains, but luckily it was gone later in the morning.

We have our condo on the market for sale. It is a terrible time to be selling a home, so wish us luck! We found a house we both really love and we really want to be in a house, not a condo. We just have to be patient and put it in God's hands. If he wants us to move, it will happen. If it isn't meant to be, we will stay here and just be thankful we have a home. There is nothing wrong with our condo, and it is nice and spacious and we really have all we need for now. If we ever get to expand our family, we will need more room eventually. But for now, we do have enough room, and we like our condo. We are just ready for a house and for a home that we pick out together and make a home for our family. I bought this condo before I ever met Matt, thinking it would be just Billie and I forever and it would be perfect for just the two of us. It will still be hard to leave Joshua and Caleb's nursery. Even though we never got to bring them home to it, it was put together for them with such love and high hopes. It is comforting to go in there and remember, and we all three do that a lot. But life goes on, and we have to live our lives, right? When it is time to build a new nursery we will use the same theme and do it as close to the same as we can. I can't help to wish the time for that will be soon, but I know better than anyone that God is totally in control of that and I have to wait for His timing, not my own. Doesn't stop me from praying about it and telling God the desires of my heart, though. I know he already knows that with out me saying a word, but it helps to get it off my chest.

Matt is still loving his job. Some days are very busy and hectic, and he is still learning some of it, but he enjoys it there and he says it is a wonderful company to work for.

So that is what we are up to. I hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful fall weather the way we are! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and a wonderful weekend, too. I am so glad it is almost Friday. We are going to celebrate my great job on my micro exam and Billie's great job on her spelling test (she got 100%!) by going to the movies to see "Where the Wild Things Are." We all three love to read that book, and have been so looking forward to the movie version. I will let you know how great it is. Love to you all and God bless.

Billiemax Floramos

This is the adorable plant Billie had to create for a school project. Her instructions said she had to creat a plant out of household items and it had to have a flower, leaf, stem and roots and all had to be visible, plus in a container. She decided to use papermache to create her flowers. She used popsticle sticks for the stem, pipe cleaners for the leaf and roots, a cut-off pop bottle for the container, pasta for the "dirt" and painted the flowers with "happy faces." It was a challenging project for her, but she worked so hard and did such a great job! She wanted a real long name, so we cameup with "Billiemax Floramos." I figured everyone would enjoy seeing it. I am so proud of how hard she has been working this school year.

She is also enjoying soccer this season. She moved up to U10 and is playing great. She tries so hard and her skills have improved so good, unfortunately her team hasn't won a game yet this year, but she doesn't let that get her down. Maybe next Saturday will be her first win!

Hope you enjoy the pics! Have a great day!

New School Year

Hello! I am so sorry I have let the whole month of August get by me without a single blog entry! We have been very busy, as everyone has been with school starting back up and all the other things that start up in August like soccer and piano and church activities. So, let me just start with the beginning of August and go on from there.

Matt and I celebrated our second anniversary at "The Swag" in Waynesville, NC. We had received a gift certificate from several families from the church Matt grew up at in Johnson City, TN a few months after the boys were born. We saved it for a later time when our grief wasn't so close and we could more enjoy ourselves. Let me just say, it would not have been possible for us to go there with out the gift certificate, and it was an amazing weekend. If you ever have the chance to go, you really should. It is an Inn on top of a mountain. They have amazing food---and I mean amazing. The best and most nutritious food I have ever been offered anywhere. They even have their own vegetable garden. Everything was so fresh and delicious and eloquently prepared and served. All of the guests, about 26 in total, are served together in the main building. They had an amazing Sunday Brunch, I really can not even describe it. It was beyond anything I have ever had before. The chef described everything in full before we ate, and the hosts (The Matthews, who own it) told us a brief story about where we were and then blessed the food (Dan is an Episcopal Bishop or Reverend, I am not sure what his title is). There were I think 10 desserts for Sunday Brunch. They have miles and miles of hiking trails and the property is adjacent to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Saturday we got up and had a relaxing morning in our cabin, then went to breakfast and enjoyed it out on the porch of the main building. We then went on a 6 mile hike and saw a beautiful water fall and had a wonderful time. We got back to find our lunch ready in a backpack for us and we took it to Gooseberry to eat it while enjoying the beautiful view. We relaxed there in a hammock for a while before heading back to our cabin. We soaked on the back porch in the soaking tub and then we each had a massage right there in the cabin. We relaxed some more and then got cleaned up for dinner. We had a wonderful time at dinner and a wonderful meal. We went back to our cabin and relaxed there before turning in for the night. Did I mention we relaxed? It was so relaxing. Unbelievably relaxing. We were almost in a vegetative state by the time we left. It was better than a week vacation at the beach, really! It was a wonderful end to what has been a busy summer.

When we got back, both Billie and I started back to school. Billie is a big 3rd grader now! She loves her new teacher and her best friend is in her class again this year, so she was very happy. I did take pictures of the first day of school, and I will get them up for you. I must admit I haven't loaded them on my computer yet.

I am back in school, too, and feeling a little overwhelmed, as I always do at the beginning of the semester. I have a hard schedule with both Microbiology and Biochemistry, but I know I can get through it.

Billie's activities have started back up, so we are ever busy with piano lessons, soccer practice and homework. It is always a little overwhelming at first, but after a few weeks we get into a groove and it is much easier than it appeared it would be in the beginning. I like being busy and having things to do, but I do look forward to the weekends!

This weekend we are doing something very special and we are all three excited about it. We are going to Matt's home church in Johnson City, TN to help paint the children's area. There is an interesting story behind how all of this began, and it involves Joshua and Caleb so I am going to share it with you. Matt did some design work for the church, and in lieu of payment he asked that they put any of the money they would normally have spent for the work into a fund, in memory of Joshua and Caleb but no one else had to know that except us, to benefit the youth/children of the church. To help the ministry of the youth/children, whether it be the building, bibles, Sunday school lessons, activities, etc., just as long as it went to the children's ministry. So they set up a fund and named it "The Promised Land Fund" and this weekend they are having their first project from those funds, which is painting the area that is used for the children for Sunday School and other activities. We are so excited to be a part of this project. The fund will be ongoing, with church members able to designate that money be put into it from their tithes and offering. I am so proud of Matt for this idea, and for wanting to do something to give back. He could have easily said he wanted to get paid for his hard work, or could have just said "I did the work to help the church and I don't want the money," but he went beyond that and actually helped the church to build their Children's Ministry. Children are the churches future, and this will fund will give back to the church through the children they minister for many years. I could not be more proud of him. The logo he did turned out really nice, too! So once again, Joshua and Caleb are serving the Lord, or inspiring their Daddy to give back with his talents and gifts. They really have changed us and how we think, and I am constantly thanking God for the gift of them and what they have brought to our lives and our family.

Also this weekend Evan is meeting us in Johnson City to visit, so we are all very excited about seeing him. He has agreed to help us paint, too! We will get some playing on the lake in, too, though. We haven't seen him since Easter and we are all anxious for a reunion.

I need to get back to homework so that is all I can write for now. Will try to update again about how the painting project goes this weekend, and post some pictures from The Swag and the first day of school!